i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
