He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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