I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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