So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
