there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize