Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
