Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
