i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
