Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
