There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
