She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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