She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
