i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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