'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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