somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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