I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
