The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
