Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize