I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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