3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
