My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
its liver damage thursday
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
