You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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