We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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