So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
