I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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