just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
