we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
