so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize