What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
