Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
