I want to stick my p in your. b.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Vodka?
Forever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
