I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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