i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
