You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
