You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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