forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
