i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize