we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
