I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
being pregnant is like rehab
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
