Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
