my phone needs a breathalizer
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
do nipples grow back?
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