i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
