someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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