My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
