I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
