those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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