grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
