Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize