good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
