every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
