he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
