I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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