the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
