I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
