I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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