i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
