Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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