not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
