i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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