Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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