Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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