Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Semen is not good for contacts.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
