We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
