I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
