grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
