People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
