But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
