My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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