friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
