forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize