Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Less talking, more tequila
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
