another moral hangover. fuck.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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