She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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