Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
id be glad to
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
