mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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