Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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