Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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