I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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