dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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