you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
