Plan B is the new Plan A
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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