I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
not ubering you a puppy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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