i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
