Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
