I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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