you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
