i permit you to call me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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