I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize