Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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