come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She bit a glass in half.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
