My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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