Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
