god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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