If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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