I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
