Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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