seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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