Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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